Oh lordy. Ever tried to break up with someone, but have them cry, scream, get all stabby, or pregnant?

D.C. is known as “Hollywood for ugly people“, but spend any time in the city and you quickly realize it’s not exactly accurate. Sure, it isn’t Manhattan with models swarming in from across the globe, but for such a small city, we have a pretty healthy percentage of attractive ladies (and gents too, if the Bonus! crew is a representative sample. You’re welcome, ladies.)

D.C. is a unique city, and the dating dynamics are similarly unique. People here are generally ambitious, intelligent and driven. Often, that’s what they look for in a partner too. LaLa Land may have a simple pairing dynamic; ours is a little more complex.

That leads to some odd couples. I frequently see women with men who are far inferior in terms of looks, and even personality, but who make up for it in less obvious ways. Partners at firms, influential lobbyists, congressmen, etc. I’m not saying women here are more or less shallow than in other cities (except Hollywood, those broads are shallow), just interested in different things.

But things fizzle. You have to try on new people periodically to see what fits. You have to regularly clear out the relationship closet. Sometimes your ex gets with someone far below you; I call that relationship-goodwill.

If things with your sig-oth (if you’re into the whole brevity thing) are sputtering, it can be hard to have ‘the talk’. Thankfully, there’s a new service that takes over when you can’t pull the trigger.

IDump4U will break off your relationship so you don’t have to get your hands dirty. BUT THAT’S NOT ALL! They’ll also record the convo, and post it to youtube. Yeah. Read that again. Yeah. For example, Amber is dumb.

Oh Amber, you sound awesome. Interestingly, Brad says that the majority of his clients are women, who can’t confront their boyfriends. Check these out if you’re trying to dump your lame future-ex. If anyone uses this site, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let us know.